Anatomy

K:  Also seriously, your stuff getting compared to fruit is not as bad as ours always getting compared to the sweatiest of meat products.  HTFU, vagisil monger.

Slinging insults

K:  That little pencil-necked bugfucker...

Elimination

Irish female friend:  No.  Just no.  He isn't my type - he's far too Irish.

What's the angle?

C:  Don't be so obtuse about this!
GDB:  Would you prefer it if I was acute?

Talk like a pirate

In the grocery store, a man walks by.  Once he is in the next aisle...
C:  YARRRRR!
GDB:  What was THAT?!
C:  ...  He had an eyepatch.  I had to.

Manners

K:  Well, it's good to be polite when the dude is on cam with his cock in his hands.

Whip it good

K:  Do you know the band Devo?
C:  Yes?
K:  I ask because I had a bit of a freakout yesterday.  No one around me knew who the fuck Devo was and I felt really old and that maybe I had imagined them on acid or something.

I didn't realize that there were compasses designed to point toward the dirty jokes

K:  Haha, look at me!  YOU are my moral compass!

Bacon makes everything better... or not...

K:  Do you think women are offended if you refer to their genitals as "bacon strips"?

I never got my Hogwarts acceptance letter... :(

K:  I am here having to teach R about America.  You should help.  He's stupid and English.
C:  He's excellent at reproduction though - his kids are adorbs!
K:  I like him.  I just give everyone shit.  And he's quite intelligent... for a Hogwarts graduate.

Words to live by

K:  Dude, seriously - if tripping bitch wanna fuck, FUCK TRIPPING BITCH!  It's a life experience.

Glitter! \o/

K:  Girls don't poop!
C:  I poop glitter.

Hot and nerdy

K:  I feel bad now - C "I am getting divorced."  K: "Cool, come join my harem!"
C:  Like you're the first that's asked.
K:  Hot nerd chicks are hard to find.
C:  Hot, nerdy, sane - pick two.

Flinging insults

K:  Eat my chode.
C:  No, I hate having herpes in my mouth.

Toot toot, motherfuckers!

M:  I became a Redguard vampire tonight!
...
Guess I won't be enjoying the beautiful daytime much anymore.  :-(
C:  Daytime is for pansies.  Behold my gleaming ginger pallor!

Bingo!

E:  And did I tell you?  Crazy Hearse Girl is pinging me again.  "You wanna go play Bingo?"  Uh.  I don't like bingo.  I just did it to get laid?

Wuv

C:  I love you.

GDB:  I love you too.  How fucking convenient!

Mawwage

K:  Yeah, marriage is pretty weird.  It is one of those things that is unnatural to us and that we try to convince ourselves is normal.  I think I am just going to be a polygamist like the silverback apes and enjoy life.
C:  Fortunate, since you are equally hairy and will blend in.
K:  But I guess that means you can't come to [n] and marry me then.
C:  Well, yeah, because that would involve marriage.

Seriously?

K:  Wtf, seriously!?
C:  Would I shit you?  ...  I mean, about that?
K:  Yes.  Oh.  No then.

Reasons that the GDB is superior Vol. I

GDB:  If it seems like we're a bit pretentious, we're sorry.  We're actually VERY pretentious!

Hellgirl?

E:  I don't care.  I would lick her wherever she wanted me to.
E:  That's me.  Mr. Classy.

The Incredible Rainman

C:  Maybe I'm brain damaged :p
JP:  More like... a mutant.  Mutants aren't all bad!  You could be like the secret X-man.  Way cooler than being brain damaged and just being the secret rain-man

Re: Sexual Experimentation

C:  It's for science, E.  That's why it's not slutty.  Science can't be slutty.

E:  You have a very good point:

"You goddamned slut!"

"SCIENCE!"

"Carry on then!"

C:  EXACTLY!

Irish Captain America

L:  I found my vodka limit at the company camping trip
C:  LOL
L: Apparently 1 litre of vodka without mixers is too much
C:  Oh God.  That's ballsy even for us.
L: Did i tell you about that?  I think I might have..  It was the time I stole an American flag and tied it round me and told everyone I was Captain America.. then threw up.  Then my boyfriend decided to guide me through a forest track just to watch me fall over so he could laugh at my superhero skills
L: What a dick.

A conversation with my old boss regarding responses to religious proselytizers

Boss:
I usually just whip out my cock and say "SUCK SATAN" and they leave me alone
C:
I'll have to try that next time... Wait.
Boss:
Wait a sec
These are amazing
C:
Cocks?  If you say so.

Re: Stuffed animals

A:  And, they are fucking all over my house.  Not like, having sex.  Just all over the fucking place.

Intro!

So, I'm starting this blog.

SEEEEE?

Anyway, I have a pretty awesome batch of friends and family (except for my Aunt Lori.  She's a horrible excuse for a human being).  Sometimes, you put two or more of us together and awesome things just get said.  This is where I want to keep them.  For memories.  For laughs.  For thoughts.
...
For science?